Explore My News,
Thoughts & Inspiration

I’m not waiting for marriage anymore

In my frustration I blamed God. I blamed him for my unhappiness and singleness. I blamed him for my schedule that seemed too busy to meet eligible guys my age but not busy enough that I felt the pains of singleness. I blamed him for my attitude and my decisions instead of blaming myself. And then it hit me.

I realized I put my life on hold, waiting for the perfect man to come whisk me away into his story and plan. I never wanted to be too committed that I couldn’t uproot myself when Mr. Right asked me to. I made every decision out of fear – fear that I wouldn’t be at the right place at the right time to meet my Mr. Right.

I tricked myself that I had to be a certain way to appeal to guys. I thought if I came across like I already knew how to be the perfect housewife I’d have a line of guys wanting to date and marry me. Clearly I was wrong because that was never the case. Instead, I chased after male attention and found myself exhausted from the constant pretending and paralyzed to make any decision regarding my future. I don’t recommend this.

When I came to that realization it felt like a large exhale, and I never knew I was holding my breath. I had trapped myself in my own thinking and beliefs that my life didn’t matter before I was married. Marriage was supposed to be the key that unlocks the rest of your life, right? The rest of us single people are just walking in a purgatory of sorts, waiting to be snatched up the opposite gender. Right?

In high school I dated a guy, and after two years we were sure we would get married. But something changed in me when I moved to college and I realized I wanted more out of a life, and a partner who wanted the same. So I broke up with him, hoping to find someone new soon. It was a brilliant plan until I graduated college… still single.

My next plan was to get hired by an international branch with the company I was interning with, meet a “foreign” man (although, if I moved it would make me the foreigner) and live happily ever after in another country. Except I didn’t get hired on, nor did I move to another country.

So I kept moving forward, with my eye on marriage instead of what God wanted me to do. Then, when I did what I believed God wanted me to do, I thought he would reward my obedience with a husband. I mean, how many stories have you heard of women choosing singleness, and then the next week they meet their husband? Ruth’s obedience was rewarded with Boaz. Just saying. But I digress…

I feel like I’ve entered into a new threshold and I’m not quite sure what to do. I’ve spent so much of my time waiting that I haven’t allowed myself to discover. So that’s exactly what I’m doing: taking the time to discover what I like, don’t like, passion about, and what I want out of life. If this is you too, I give you the permission to discover as well. I’m seeing the world in a new way, and while it’s a little overwhelming and scary it’s also exciting.


  1. Preach! THIS is awesome. What a good message. I love what you have to say. Fly away and discover your passions. Have peace in this time.

  2. So crazy!!! This is the season I’m coming into right now. I’m trying to learn to find the things I love to do and what I have a passion for, who I want to be as a person and where in my life I can be used to help others and support others. This is very inspiring and I breathe a sigh of relief after reading this blog. I’m at the point right now where I know I don’t need to wait for a man or be someone completely different but, to just be me. Though right now I’m trying to figure out where to start and what to do ??. Thank you for sharing this blog Amy!

  3. That’s crazy! It’s refreshing to know when you’re not alone in this sort of season. 🙂 I’m excited to see where God takes you next!

Comments are closed.